My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
