hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
