I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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