Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
