Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
