i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She announced her abortion via fbk
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
