I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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