I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
