nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
