a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
