....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
