I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
