How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
