I got her a Nickelback box set.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
