Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
