And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
