I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
