I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
