he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
