Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
