If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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