You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
