There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
