I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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