someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize