shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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