i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
