:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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