she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
