Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
