I need help removing her.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
