I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
