he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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