I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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