In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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