We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
