He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
