Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
