I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
