Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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