You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
