I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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