You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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