So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
