I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
