why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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