He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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