You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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