her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
