So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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