a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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