Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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