and she was petting her beer can
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
