Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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