I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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