Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize