I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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