Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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