They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
