Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize