I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
