You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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