my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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