I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
