it wasn't lemon gatorade
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
