Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
