Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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