I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
