Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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