I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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