Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
