some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
