It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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