He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
