What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
