I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
