you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
