I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
