me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize