my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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