I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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