I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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