I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
