i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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