Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
