What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
bring money and cleavage
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
