so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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