haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Four minutes until I can fart!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
