stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
